In addition having the 3rd highest ERA in Major League Baseball, the Diamondbacks pitching staff leads the league in facial hair.

Led by ace Dan Haren, the team sports impressive forms of beards, mustaches and combinations of the two.

However, fellow members of the Diamondbacks pitching staff rival Haren’s caveman like beard. Fellow ace Brandon Webb, sports a more clean cut and suave goatee.

Micah Owings wears a beard that covers the bottom of his chin, similar to a bicycle helmet strap. Randy Johnson’s bold facial hair is almost legendary, and while the facial hair can be called ugly - it only masks an uglier face.

Unreported however, is the clubhouse issues that might arise with phenom Max Scherzer entering the rotation. Apparently, he is not destined to be a D’backs starter as he lacks facial hair or anything of the sort. In a cultish meeting, Haren, Webb, Owings and Johnson have decided that Scherzer has until his next start to grow an equally bold beard, or else…