Today is the official day to celebrate Festivus!

Festivus is, of course, the holiday popularized by the TV show Seinfeld.

In honor of this magical day, I will go through the three stages of Festivus, with a Mets theme!

First up, the Airing of Grievances…

Lastings Milledge: Good riddance.

Willie Randolph: I like you, really, I do. But please…learn how to manage a pitching staff and bullpen. You wore down the staff until they couldn’t hold up anymore. I blame you for the second half collapse more than anyone.

Omar Minaya: So far, so…mediocre. I have little to no faith in Mike Pelfrey and Philip Humber backing up our rotation, so we need a starter from somewhere. Even if it’s a workhorse like Livan Hernandez or if we have to trade for Joe Blanton, just get on your Blackberry and get something done.

Tom Glavine: See Milledge.

Jose Reyes: If you do what you did last year again, I won’t be very happy with you.

Guillermo Mota: See Milledge AND Glavine.

Scott Schoeneweis: If you are out there against a right handed batter, just run off the field.
Numbers against lefties: 93 AB, 0 runs, 19 hits, .204 AVG, .306 OBP.
Numbers against righties: 136 AB, 36 runs, 43 hits, .316 AVG, .382 OBP.
Run into the dugout and hide.

Oliver Perez: If you screw with your arm angle one more time, I’m going to come down onto the field and rub your face in the base path chalk.

Rickey Henderson: See Milledge, Glavine, and Mota…hopefully.

Now up, the Festivus Miracles…

Moises Alou: You’re a miracle with your 30 game hitting streak. If only you could’ve gotten it to match your age. Keep on truckin’ old man.

John Maine: Pitching your heart out, and coming oh so close to the elusive first Mets no hitter. Four outs away, until that little dribbler along third base ends it. Almost saved our season, but still a Festivus miracle.

And finally…the Feats of Strength!

David Wright: For being such a stand up guy, leader, and great baseball player. Trying everything in your power to carry the collapsing team on your back during the second half of the year. Soon, you will be wearing a “C” on your chest…soon.

Shea Stadium: For not collapsing yet.

Happy Festivus everyone!

For more Mets news and opinion, visit TheRopolitans.com!