Of all the mascots I hate in baseball, number one would have to be the Philly Phanatic.  That rip off in Atlanta comes second, of course.   However, the Phanatic is evil.  Pure evil.   Let me tell you a story of a young 9 year old boy and that evil Philly Phanatic.

       Here was this excited 9 year old boy, going to the Mets versus Philly game.  His family all was going to the game, the only problem was the game was in Philadelphia, the City of “Brotherly Love”.  So here was this 9 year old boy wearing a New York Mets t-shirt enjoying watching his team beat the ever loving piss out of the Phillies.   Here comes this evil green thing, which looks like a horrible scientific experiment gone bad.  The kid happen to be drinking a soda at the time.  Then the monster grabbed pop corn and starting dumping it on said kid.  Shooting out it’s tungue, and dancing around like MC Hammer on crack, or perhaps Mr. Humpty (hello 80’s).   Said kid drops the soda on himself out of shock of being attacked by what he considered at the time as a horribly disfigured Phillies fan.  Soaked with soda, covered in pop corn, and completely humiliated, the kid left Philadelphia embarrased and angry.  That kid was me, and since then I can’t go to any Philly games out of fear that I might snap and beat the crap out of that green mutant.  Sure, it can attack a 9 year old kid, but lets see it mess with a guy who now boxes and has a black belt in various martial arts.  

     So I plead with the Mets.   Kill the Phanatic.  Mr. Met, take your t-shirt gun and knock that fool out.  This weekend, the Mets have the chance to destroy the Phillies and humiliate the Phanatic.   The 9 year old kid in me is licking his chops.